SMALL SENTIMENTS

"Small sentiments"

By

J.L.Gupta

“PANDITJI! This ghee is hot. How can I pour it on my mother? It would hurt her." "Do not act like a child. Just do it. Are you not going to scotch the pyre in a few moments?

My father had overheard my protest. Probably, he had noticed my hesitation also. He knew that I had merely followed the direc­tions of the Priest. Yet, he had chided me for having poured the hot ghee over my mother's body.

It was the fateful day in November, 1989. Twenty five years back. Amman (my mother) had spent an uncomfortable night. Dr. Satinder Singh and Dr. Rashmi had remained by her side during the last 48 hours. I was an untrained nurse cum assistant to lend a helping hand to them. The drip was continu­ously on. This was her lifeline. The means of administering fluids and even some medicines, as and when required, to her. A drop went out with every heartbeat. This had kept Amman and our hopes alive for the last two days.

At 8 o'clock in the morning, she had suddenly opened her eyes. Asked for the morning dose of her medi­cines. Four tablets were given to her. She had swallowed each one with a small sip of milk. A drop was just trickling out of her mouth. Mohini had tried to give her a napkin to wipe it off. She had refused "Nidhi has specially embroidered it for me. Do not spoil it. Give me the other one". Having said that, she had just collapsed. A moment more and she was gone. All efforts of the two doctors to revive her had proved of no avail. At precisely 8.07 she was no more. A lot had happened in just seven minutes.

During the night, she had gone through her fifth cardiac infarction. In all, she had gone through the seventy and more years of her life. She had completed her journey on the rough road of life. During these years, she had faced the vicissitudes with fortitude. She had brought us up with care, love and affection. Worked hard. She never grumbled. She was brave. She had withstood her problems well. Followed the doctor's advice faithfully. Never bothered anyone unnecessarily. Helped every­one. Her heart was our school. Her love was our bliss.

When alive, she had problems. Now, she lay totally silent. No movement. No complaint. No discomfort. No pain. No nee­dles. No pricks. Absolutely at peace with herself. Even  with the whole world. There was a quiet dig­nity about her. Life with Him appeared to be better than the life in His world.

We had to now learn to live without her. This was the truth. But we could not forget that even at about the last moment of her life, she was not oblivious of her grand-daughter’s affection and effort. She had remembered the small napkin and the embroidery. And a few' hours later, the family was reluctant to put hot ghee on her despite knowing' that she was about to be consecrated to the flames.

Small sentiments! Simple and sincere expressions of a pure emotion. The thoughts of a blessed association. To be cherished as sacred treasures. Yes. May seem strange. True. But some evidence to show that we are still human. Even humane.

This is what really distinguishes a man and a beast, a human being from the other species. Isn't it?