Some Sops

 

“Some Sops”

By

J.L. Gupta

 

Whoever thought that talk was cheap had never hired a lawyer. A chain smoker in his youth never imagined that a doctor’s five-minute visit would mean so much money. The cranky on the ‘couch’ never knew that the ‘shrink’ would own his money before he is cured.  

 

I have been in the profession of law. For decades. I can admit having lost several cases. Sometimes, on account of my own ignorance. Yet, it did not normally prevent me from sending a bill or accepting the cheque. Please do not get too excited. The truth is that each profession provides some sops.

 

Today, a pizza gets to your home before the police do. But my friend who had been in police for almost a lifetime had some magic about himself. On hearing of a crime, he was invariably the first one at the spot. And his presence made a difference. Almost instantaneously, the ‘eye witnesses’ appeared on the scene. Virtually, from nowhere. They also knew exactly what he expected them to say.

 

I have been to jail several times. At different places. Often, in august company. And I have come across some interesting characters. Like the convict for burglary. I asked him, “Do you commit burglaries while people are in deep slumber after the day’s hard work?” The reply was simple and straight. “I cannot sleep a wink throughout the night. So, what shall I do? I make a living while others are asleep. The hour is most convenient and rewarding too.” And then there was a convict under the NDPS Act. He was allegedly caught with a substantial quantity, 55 kgs. of opium. But he was continuously complaining of injustice. On a thorough interrogation, I learnt that his complaint was that he was actually carrying 125 kgs. What happened to the 70 kgs.? Your guess is as good as mine.

 

My doctor friend has a typical handwriting. Totally illegible. Five minutes after writing the prescription, even he is unable to decipher the code. But this too has a silver lining. The bad handwriting helps him to hide his spelling mistakes.

 

With almost an air of superiority, he tells me – “The professions of law and medicine have a lot in common. Both deal with and affect human lives. But there is one difference. If the doctor makes a mistake, it is buried six feet deep. However, when a lawyer falters, the poor man is hung ten feet high. He is there for everyone to see.” He tells me – ‘your fault shows.’

 

I met a beer taster. He did not drink water. Reason? ‘It is habit forming. You get addicted to it. And it is totally unfit for human consumption. See what it does to the pipes. It rusts the best of them. How would it ever spare a simple vegetarian like me?’ And then adds – “Beauty is in the eye of the beer-holder. Water only dulls your senses.”

 

In the words of Jeffrey Bernard “Journalism is the only thinkable alternative to working.” The journalist has an advantage over the others. When he writes an obituary or something else, it makes the Middle or the main story on the Edit or Op-ed page. When others write, it is just an ‘obituary’ or a dull piece and may not find any space. You may be kept waiting endlessly and not even get the old fashioned ‘slip’ conveying the Editor’s thanks for the contribution and regrets for the inability to use it. Today, things have moved still further. If you ring up or send a message, the Editor is not even obliged to respond. Simple courtesies are just forgotten. No wonder, the Magazine section of a recent issue of The Hindu says ‘There is a new kind of cricket Pundit on the scene. He’s not on TV or in print, but in blogs and the social media’, says Arun Venugopal. Further, ‘After a “fallow streak of articles”, he realised that ‘blogs were overtaking the mainstream in terms of quality.’

 

The following on Twitter and Facebook clearly supports the claim!

 

Why grudge? Every profession offers some sops.